Toys & Merch

A Wolverine Makeover (Hugh Jackman Facial Not Included)

I can’t believe I didn’t notice this at the start of the summer, during the whole Wolverine craze. But come to think of it, was there a craze? For the sake of argument, let’s say there was. And where do all crazes end up? On the clearance aisle at Target. Which is where I found the Wolverine Limited Edition Schick Quatro Titanium Razor and Trimmer. How could I resist? The name is so catchy. Once I got it home, it didn’t take long to find a commercial. Let’s watch:

If, like me, you look at the world through rainbow-colored glasses, this guy’s sure as hell not giving himself a Wolverine makeover for some girl. No, he’s going straight to Sunday beer bust at Faultline. But, it got me thinking. Gay Levi/leather bars aside, could I do it? Is it even possible? My facial hair is spotty at best. I can grow a goatee, but the rest of my beard is patchy. I can’t even grow sideburns, let alone muttonchops. Can I improvise a Wolverine look with what I have? Clearly, I have a powerful tool in my hand. (Hey! I’m talking about the Wolverine Schick razor thing.) I should be able to come up with something Logan-esque in a couple of weeks. (Patchy, teenaged Logan, at least.) My hair will take a little more effort, I think. I’ll have to check the clearance aisle again and see if Vidal Sassoon put out a special Wolverine blow dryer and flat iron.

So, what do you think? Will the men be all over me like adamantium? Can any man resist the sexual prowess of the Wolverine? Anyone else want to try to come up with a Wolverine look before Halloween?