My iPod is officially too gay for anyone else to listen to but me. It’s so gay, it was the Grand Marshal in this year’s pride parade. It literally glows pink when I turn it on. Get the picture? If not, here’s a list of the Top 10 Gayest Songs on My iPod! Feel free to share your own!
10. “Simple and Clean” (Hikaru Utada)
Yes, I bought the soundtrack to Kingdom Hearts. So? I’m sure lots of people did. They wouldn’t have made a soundtrack unless there was a demand. Right? Right? Ahem…Kingdom Hearts is light!
9. “These Boots Are Made for Walking” (Billy Ray Cyrus)
Before he was Hannah Montana’s dad, he was a total redneck hottie with a mullet. Listen to this song and imagine him in boots and chaps and nothing else.
8. “Never Ending Story” (Shocking 80s House Mix)
It’s not enough that it’s the theme song for a movie about a boy and his magical flying dragon. Oh no, I had to have the seven-minute dance mix!
7. “Disney Heroine Medley” (Susan Egan)
Just the fact that it’s a medley qualifies it for this list. Throw in the Disney Princesses and a Broadway diva, and it’s the perfect storm of gay.
6. “Crucified” (Army of Lovers)
Queer gothic Eurotrash group Army of Lovers delivers the beat and the belting with this super gay dance hit, with a video that will leave your speechless.
5. “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” (Alan Cumming, Liza Minelli)
While technically a Christmas song, it’s a holiday overload of gay as Alan and Liza try to figure out who’s the top in this relationship. I’m sure Liza had the same argument in her marriages.
4. “Holding Out for a Hero” (Jennifer Saunders)
Edina sings Bonnie Tyler! “C minor. Put it in C minor.” Sweetie darling.
3. “Sailor Moon” (Osaka Popstar)
This is a great song to listen to on the treadmill. Or fighting villains from the Negaverse. “By the power of the moon! I will punish you! And do 40 minutes of cardio!”
2. “Glitter and Gold” (Jem and the Holograms)
The Jem theme might have been acceptable. Even a Misfits song or two. But “Glitter and Gold”!? Sweet Jebus!
1. “Xanadu” (Olivia Newton-John)
The ultimate roller skating song, it makes me feel like I’m zooming around the rink in split-screen or cruising down the Venice boardwalk in leg warmers. All the time.