G.I. Joe was one of a few 80s cartoons on heavy rotation during my childhood, but of the cartoons’ cast of thousands, it was Baroness who stole my heart. In G.I. Joe, she’s the countess of cruelty, the queen of mean, and as if her codename didn’t give it away by itself, she’s a royal bitch who will fuck your shit up. Believe it or not, the Baroness and I have a lot in common. I wear glasses, I’m good with a rifle, and I’ve been known to dress in leather from head to toe (though only my hubby ever sees that). All that, plus my affection for the character, has inspired my lifelong quest to add her to my toy box.
I first saw her on the pegs at a K-Mart when I was seven years old, but didn’t bring her home until fifteen years later after discovering eBay. Since then, Hasbro has released many adaptations of Baroness, but my favorites always go back to the black leather duds complete with the red Cobra emblem of the 1984 original release. The fifth release to follow the classic toy styling comes in the unlikely form of Mighty Muggs.
Yep, only Hasbro can take a svelte aristocratic terrorist dominatrix and render her into chunky urban vinyl. But what a good job they did! She’s the only female rendered in this figure style that actually looks good. Princess Leia from Star Wars, and Jean Grey as Phoenix from X-Men precede her, but those figures just look awkward to me. Baroness comes compete with classic black leather costume, round black-rimmed glasses and rifle. The only thing missing is her Cobra backpack. She’s a great looking figure, whether she’s guarding your desk or taking over the world.