Toys & Merch

Guest Review: She-Ra, Touched for the Very First Time

I was in the midst of moving across the country when my Masters of the Universe Classics She-Ra arrived on the steps of the FBOTU Compound. Not wanting to delay a review, I asked Long-Suffering Boyfriend to open her and take a stab at a review. Here…are the results, including a super creepy photo he took with his cell phone.


I never had the desire to own a G.I. Joe or He-Man action figure, let alone some sparkly doll. So, when circumstances developed that had me opening up and reviewing the latest monthly figure from Mattel, I was kind of at a loss. I immediately went to Google to do my research, where just entering the non-sensical word She-Ra produced some startling results. I guess that’s what I get for turning off the “safe-search” option. Regaining my composure, I found the website which gave me the full details on my subject. “Real Name: Adora of the House of Randor.” I saw a picture of this Randor guy and couldn’t help imagining him fresh off an appearance on Project Runway, up in his design studio, fashioning haute couture superhero gowns for the House of Randor.

Before actually opening the package, I was struck by a few things. First off, there’s that weird bat/crab headpiece. I suppose it serves some sort of purpose, but if I was about to go into battle to defeat the Evil Hordak, I think I’d want something a bit more intimidating on my head. Comparing the picture on to what was in front of me, it almost looked like the entire headpiece was on upside down. Ok, moving on. Wait, is that a comb? No, is it an axe? A combaxe? I must say, that’s brilliant. Seriously, it’s like a primitive version of a Swiss Army knife. (I later found out this is an inside joke between the designers and fans of the original She-Ra figures). Also, I love the juxtaposition of her scowling angry face with her jewel-encrusted sword and shield. I could see an enemy become hypnotized by the aqua luminance just as his throat was slit. WAIT! Is that another head? What the hell? Is this some kind of mistake? Back to Google. Damn, it’s not. Everyone gets the “vintage-style” head and the “modern-style” head.

I must say, opening an action figure for the first time was quite nerve-wracking. I didn’t quite know how to approach it. Should I tear it open like a Christmas present or gingerly manipulate the plastic from the cardboard backing? I actually put it down and stared at it a few times before I finally did my best to detach the plastic from the card stock on the back without damaging it in any way. I was completely unsuccessful. Then I slid her and her parts out of the plastic house only to find her entombed in another bed of plastic, secured by clear rubber bands. Jesus Christ. Trying to get her and her pieces dislodged required scissors and my reading glasses. I imagine the more experienced collectors just have to do a little twisting and voila. As I took her out, her headpiece fell off revealing a disturbingly large hole in her forehead. Was she given a lobotomy so she could wear the headpiece, or is the headpiece there to hide the fact that her brain was sucked out? I check the bio again, but it says nothing about her brain being sucked out.

Finally, she was completely free and ready to be played with. I mean, evaluated. First thing I did was take her head off. It came off quite easily and revealed that the cape was removable, too, because if we only learned one thing from The Incredibles, it was that you might not always want the cape. “Lobotomy head” allows for you to wear the “disco headpiece” in two different positions, very clever. I was surprised how forcefully I had to push to get the “modern-style” head into place, but I suppose you want your head secure when in battle. Each arm and leg has three points of articulation that allow for some interesting positions. The shield snapped on and off easily, and the sword was able to be held in either hand. Sadly, the combaxe was not designed to be held at all. Her dress is not removable, but you can bend it to see what she’s hiding underneath, if you’re so inclined. The overall quality of the paint seemed to be quite good, especially the face. I found her glare to be intimidating, while still conveying the beauty that you’d expect from a princess.

Overall, my first experience opening an action figure was a memorable one, and I will walk away with a new respect and admiration for the art form and its fans. She-Ra will be a welcome addition to all the other Masters of the Universe figures collecting dust and protecting the Castle Grayskull in Chance’s office.

Thanks, Fanboys!

Michael (aka Long-Suffering Boyfriend)

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