FBOTU’s Weekly Comics Load: The Road Homo


Brian‘s Load image

image Brightest Day #11
It’s balls-to-the-wall all-out Aquaman action, as the mighty underwater mogul battles against his arch nemesis Black Manta and Mera’s evil sister! I love seeing old Blondie back in action, fighting on land, no less, and kicking some evil dude ass! Plus, it’s the return of all the formerly dead (but now alive) Black Lanterns! Everyone knows that zombies sell, and zombie superheroes sell like zombie hotcakes! I declare that zombies are the new vampires! Run and tell that, Twilight!
image Intersections: Book One – The Dark #1
Full disclosure here: I’m a friend of writer/creator Rich Boutell, so I’m totally biased. Having stated that openly, I have to honestly say that I really, really enjoyed this book. It has just enough mystery, surprise and allure for a short, introductory comic that just made its debut at this weekend’s Alternative Press Expo (more colorfully known as APE). The writing is solid, the action is well crafted thanks to artist Gene Guilmette, and the star of the story is gay and in a stable, and seemingly loving, same-sex relationship! What?! Stable gay love in a comic? Fabulous. What’s even better is that the gay elements in the story aren’t being declared every five seconds. It’s clear the characters are gay, but that isn’t the main thrust (haha, I said “thrust”) of the comic. Excellent! And honestly, can’t we all use some more hot, bearded queer demon hunters like main character Arik in our lives? Do yourself a fav and find out more about this promising book by visiting:
image Uncanny X-Force #1
What’s up with there only being one female mutant on this damn team? How is that even possible in an X-Men comic? Remember back in the glory days when the X-Men were mostly X-Women, and the book still sold like a bazillion times more than it does now? Ugh. As much as I love comics, I hate them so much sometimes, which, frankly, is probably one of the biggest problems with comics—we fanboys are so hard to please. Anyhoo, aside from this cranky complaint, I have to say I was quite taken with this book: the art is pretty spectacular—lots of interesting angles and dynamic action scenes—and the dialogue is uber witty. The monologue Deadpool gives about his anus, calling it “pinky,” is worth the $3.99 cover price alone. And “pinky,” huh, Deadpool? Has someone been bleaching?
image Taskmaster #2
Oh, Fred Van Lente, why do I adore your writing so? Is it because you make me cream my fanboy pantaloons with your deft word use and clever plot turns? Or is it just because you’re able to tell a plain, old good story? I mean, just like a normal, well-crafted story? Seems to be a lost art nowadays. Oh shoot, look at me, I’ve returned to that crabby long-time comic fan complainer that popped up in my X-Force review above. Sorry, let’s get back on track. I loved that the random waitress/kidnap victim character helping out Taskmaster has turned out to be a dastardly uncover agent for S.H.E.I.L.D. What a well played development, Señor Van Lente, very well played indeed.

Chance‘s Load image

image The Amazing Spider-Man #645
So…what you’re telling me is that Spider-Man is only ever effective as a superhero when he’s angry? That explains a lot. Pretty much all of his adventures end with tons of property damage, great emotional devastation and the villain getting away, all while Spidey rattles off one-liners and chuckles to himself. But when he gets pissed off, he single-handedly ends crime in New York City overnight. I think all his friends should work together to keep him angry. Aunt May could slap him around more often. Maybe the Hulk could stop by and give him a wedgie from time to time. Anything to keep him doing something useful…for once.
image Bruce Wayne: The Road Home – Batman and Robin/Batgirl/Red Robin
Since the Bruce Wayne: The Road Home titles have come out before the end of The Return of Bruce Wayne series, we have to fill in some gaps and guess what might have happened. Apparently, Bruce is back and he has a super suit of some kind, imbued with the power of various other superheroes. This is cool…but definitely not for Bruce Wayne. He had his gadgets and such, but I don’t think he ever really wanted (or needed) to be super. Maybe he’ll be nicer to Booster Gold now that he’s just like him. So now he’s back and running around testing members of the Bat family, which is, like, the absolute height of arrogance. They got along just fine without him, so who is he to decide whether they’re worthy or not? They’ve been doing the job. Tim, being the ultimate Bruce sycophant, really gets off on it. But, thankfully, Stephanie (aka Batgirl) tells him off, making it clear she’s going to be Batgirl whether he likes it or not. Good for you, Steph! Bruce writes in his little journal that he planned for Steph to be Batgirl all along. Nice save, Brucie. Clearly, I am not reacting well to this turn of events. Couldn’t he have stayed lost in time for a few more months (or years)? I would have happily bought about a dozen more Bruce Wayne: Caveman titles.
image Superman #703
Oo, there is some really good writing in the first half of this issue. Straczynski really delivers with a fantastic exchange between Superman and Batman (Dick Grayson). Dick, doing his best impersonation of Bruce, warns Supes that his walk-about is really him running away from his problems. Supes argues that he’s getting in touch with average men, y’know, like Dick and Bruce and the average guys who killed their average parents. Ouch! Dick counters and tells Supes that all he’s doing is putting average people in danger. The exchange is positively electric, and we get to see more shades of Superman’s inner pain, as he lashes out at, then dismisses Dick. Of course, Dick’s warnings are immediately realized as chunks of New Krypton fall to earth and…do something. Not sure what yet. As great as this issue is, I’m not looking forward to having do deal with a bunch of different kinds of New Kryptonite now. I just learned the powers of all the Old Kryptonite.
image Thor of Asgard #3
I sort of guffawed at this book originally, because of the heavy-handed sexual and phallic symbolism. Then I got hooked. Now I’m obsessed. Mainly because of Simone Bianchi’s artwork. His work is sensual, yet masculine; beautiful and dreamlike, yet dark and foreboding. I thought, “This guy can’t be American.” And he’s not; he’s Italian! Which immediately makes him sexy. Plus, he’s not afraid to draw a bulge on the God of Thunder, or give him a nice ass. Storywise, we’re delving deeper into the sexual imagery I just mentioned, as the Asgardians rage against their barren lands and try to find a way to save the golden apples that give them life and fertility. Meanwhile, Thor continues to struggle with his inability to wield Mjolnir, while questioning his worth as a successor to his father. Pretty heavy stuff. And while Bianchi’s gorgeous artwork brings the necessary seriousness and reverence to the story, I can’t help thinking that Thor just needs a couple of tabs of Viagra and maybe a weekend in Italy to get his sexy back.

That’s it for this week, kids! Happy reading!

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