FBOTU’s Weekly Comics Load: Warlord of Shamballah Edition


Brian‘s Load image

image Secret Six #27
Wow, DC Comics, shame on you! Here I was causally enjoying another depraved issue of Secret Six, when suddenly I flip the page to see a full fledge, no holds barred, lady crotch shot. What!? I mean, I have nothing against lady bits; I’ve been known to explore my fair share of ‘ginas back during my “straight” days, and I simply adore to grope my gal pals, but this is ridic! I mean, holy pussy shot, Batman! No subtly here at all, huh, DC? In the name off equal rights and equal exploitation, there had better be an upcoming issue featuring a similar shot of a male character who morphs from rooster to man, or else I’m getting Gloria Steinem on the line STAT.
image Strange Tales II #2
The best thing about these odd-ball short stories by underground cartoonists is just how totally weird, totally different, and therefore, totally fabulous they are. For me, the standout has to be the Archie-esque tale written and drawn by indie darling Jamie Hernandez, a story so enjoyable that it manages to be both equally sweet and naughty at the same time. Who can resist this shot of the perky, lovely, full-figured versions of Marvel’s heroines frolicking on the beach–a beach that just happens to be made up of Spider-Man’s old time baddie (the super pervy) Sandman? Speaking of pervs, who knew that classic Avengers villain The Space Phantom was willing to go to such great lengths–stealing the identities of some of Marvel’s more questionable lady characters–just to score some prime-bathing-suit-ogling-time? Sadly, I have to say that he’s a man after my own heart. True story: When I was going to school in Utah at Brigham Young University, I made it a point to casually stroll through the men’s locker room (slowing my pace considerably when I passed the showers) on my way to class everyday, even though none of my class were ever anywhere near the vicinity of the locker room. Tee hee. Guess I’m a full-fledged perv myself. Hey Spacey, let’s hang and compare notes!
image X-Men: To Serve and Protect #1
Emma Frost, you is one bad, bad, bad, girl! I mean, sure the Mandrill is perhaps one of the dumbest Marvel villains, but does that mean you have to punish the poor baboon-man so horribly? First you had the nerve to point out that his red nose looks identical to his junk. How rude! No guy wants to have his twig and berries mocked by a gorgeous blood in a robe. Surely the state of Mandrill’s “undercarriage” is a touchy subject to old Manny. Perhaps to avoid any further teasing Mandrill ought to just change his name to “Red-Rocket.” Secondly, Emma totally mind-molests the sad-sack so that from now on he only sees women with a face like his. Note this terrifying image. Ugh. Yeah, I’m sure there’s a fetish out there for a sexy human lady with big jugs and a monkey’s face, but I’ll pass. Emma, you are one hardcore bitch. And I adore you for it!

Chance‘s Load image

image Batman and Robin #16
We still don’t know how Bruce got home exactly. He’s been back for a while now, wearing a new costume and ordering people around. But since the final issue of The Return of Bruce Wayne hasn’t come out yet, we kind of have to assume that he made it back more or less in one piece. If I were Dick and Damian, though, and my mentor comes back from traveling through time, with tales of being a caveman, a pilgrim and a cowboy, and now he wants to tell the world that he’s funding Batman and his friends, I think I might have pretty good grounds for having him committed. There really doesn’t seem to be any reason to go public with this information. It just feels like Grant Morrison trying to leave his mark on Batman history by changing a fundamental aspect of the story. This is destined to get retconned out of existence during the next big crisis.
image Brightest Day #13 / Buffy the Vampire Slayer #38
So, why am I lumping Brightest Day and Buffy together this week? Well, both feature completely convoluted plots that I don’t understand. The difference is that I’m enjoying the Buffy mess, yet Brightest Day is a totally joyless experience. In Buffy, we get a couple of pages of exposition, trying to make sense of what the seed has to do with Twilight and the Master and Angel and the new sex universe Buffy and Angel banged into existence. Even with Giles and Willow explaining it, I still have no clue what the hell is going on. But I love the characters, so I’m willing to go along for the ride. In Brightest Day, we get a couple of pages of exposition from Hawkgirl’s crazy-ass mother, who actually begins her speech by saying, “Well, while we’re waiting for the hero to show up, here’s my story…” There are portals and Egyptian politics and Nth metal and something about attacking the Star Sapphires. I don’t know. I’ve lost interest in Brightest Day‘s resurrected characters. I kind of just want them all to die again and go away. Maybe I would like it better if Giles and Willow explained it to me.
image Red Hood: The Lost Days #6
This has been a pretty good little miniseries about everyone’s favorite bat family black sheep, Jason Todd. He’s been a corpse, a zombie, a mercenary and an anti-hero. He even manages to sleep with Talia al Ghul. (Which makes me wonder if maybe he could be the father of some little al Ghul running around somewhere.) Judd Winick has done a great job of making Jason sympathetic and even leaves open the possibility for redemption. He will always be Batman’s biggest failure; but he might also just turn out to be the most effective of all the Bat kids. Will there be a place for him at Bat, Inc.?
image Secret Six #27
Secret Six versus Dino Riders! That is one awesome cover. I’ve been on a dinosaur kick lately, actually, so I was glad to see some prehistoric battling going on here. And I was even happier to see Amanda Waller out-bitch Katarina (see Quote of the Week). There’s some great stuff in this issue, but nothing can top Catman’s transformation into the Warlord of Shamballah! Mm-mm-mm. Since this current story arc began, he’s been naked twice and now he’s in a white leopard print loincloth. Plus, Doll is wearing Superman underpants. And Bane is riding a T-Rex. I love Gail Simone.

That’s it for this week, kids! What are you reading this week? Let us know in the comments section!


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