Comics Load: Nok! Nok! (Who’s There?)

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image Batman Incorporated #1
Lots of bat titles out this week, including Batman #704, Batman: The Return #1 and Streets of Gotham #17. What do they all have in common? Bruce Wayne is a total dick. He comes back to town and he thinks he can judge everyone and tell them what to do? And now he wants to take his obnoxious control issues on the road and tell crimefighters around the world how to do their jobs? Sure, why not? Bruce has done such a bang-up job turning Gotham into a crime-free utopia, he seems qualified to run around fixing the rest of the world. I don’t know why I’m having such a negative reaction to all this. I think it’s just the arrogance of it all. I expected Bruce to return a little humbled by what his colleagues accomplished in his absence. Instead, he shows up and just starts giving orders. If I were Dick and Damian, I would push his ass down the stairs in the bat cave, cancel this United Colors of Batman nonsense, lock him up Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? style and carry on, business as usual.
image The Boys: Highland Laddie #4
I was really bothered by Hughie’s treatment of Annie when he broke up with her in The Boys a couple of issues ago, so I’m glad she gets the opportunity to let him have it. If I broke up with every guy who had ever had two dicks in his mouth at once, I would never have a date. Once Annie and Hughie reconcile, they’ll basically be declaring war on the Boys and the Seven. I think we can safely assume Butcher is going to freak.
image Brightest Day #14
We are 14 issues into Brightest Day and guess what happens? Boston Brand learns a valuable lesson about accepting his role as the white ring delivery boy. I kid you not. That’s where we are. I’m through.
image Daken: Dark Wolverine #3
Having faked my own death on two separate occasions, I can tell you, it isn’t easy. Still, I never went to all the trouble that Daken does. I never started a plan with “first, I need to conspire to send my father to hell, so he can come back and pretend to scorch me into ashes.” I’ve only been following Daken’s story since Siege, so I may have missed some important backstory along the way. Like, what’s the deal with him and Johnny Storm? Johnny acts like they’re BFFs, but it’s news to me. I will look into this, but I feel it’s safe to assume that they were, in fact, lovers. In wich case, how ironic. Daken survives the fiery lovemaking of the Human Torch, but is ultimately burned to a crisp by the fires of hell. (But not really, hence the whole death-faking part.) Poor Johnny. Will he ever meet the right guy? Someone who won’t fake his own death just to get away from him?
image Deadpool Corps #8
I only read a couple of Deadpool titles, including this one. For the most part, Deadpool is pretty good comic relief, which is a nice change of pace after plodding through something like Brightest Day or The Return of Bruce Wayne. This issue is consistently funny, but, as is so often the case with the Deadpool Corps book, seems to forget to give all the members of the team something to do/say from issue to issue. However, the main reason I mention this issue this week is for all the Deadpool beefcake art throughout. Most of this issue finds Deadpool in the tattered remnants of his costume, for a sexy off-the-shoulder look, like what’s on the cover (at left). Then we’re treated to a nice shirtless shot of him in bed with the princess. While I’ve never considered him that much of a sex symbol, he does have your standard superhero body. And Ryan Reynolds did play him in the Wolverine movie, so I’m willing to keep an open mind.
image Green Lantern #59
Why are those horrible little blue bastards still running the show? I thought they were wiped out after Blackest Night. But now they’re back, enforcing all the same stupid rules that got them in trouble in the first place. Or are these new horrible little blue bastards? I may be losing interest in this title, too. If it weren’t for Larfleeze, I think I’d give this one up. But I can’t quit my greedy orange Muppet. I love that he picks the Flash’s pocket, but where the hell does the Flash keep a wallet in his skin tight suit anyway? The sooner Lar has his own title, the better.
image Superman #705
In this issue, Superman saves an abused boy and his mother, right after questioning whether his walk-about is really doing any good. I know he’s already saved a potential suicide victim, but I’d like to see him encounter a gay teen who’s losing hope. It could be a comic book version of the “It Gets Better” campaign. I always like it when Superman doesn’t just save people, but inspires them, too. I’m a total sap for stuff like that.
image X-Factor #211
Here’s a book that’s really working well, hitting all the right marks and delivering the goods. Las Vegas continues to be the perfect setting for the excesses of wandering Norse gods and danger-prone mutants. The team has finally caught the attention of Hela and intends to free the little troll guy they betrayed. Outnumbered by Hela’s Asgardian army of dead guys, it’s not looking too good for Madrox and friends, but thankfully a certain Thunder God drops in to possibly save the day. Despite rumors to the contrary, I do have a sense of humor. And I did chuckle a little when Shatterstar attempts to introduce himself to Thor with a “Hel-LO there” greeting. However, I do feel like I should point out that the portrayal of gay and bi characters as somehow always on the prowl, unable to stop themselves from hitting on heterosexuals, is tired and insulting. Of course, it could be that he really was just trying to introduce himself and Madrox (and I) got it all wrong. Like I said, I did chuckle. But then I felt bad about it afterwards. And isn’t that what comedy is all about?



image Batman, et al.
Did I miss a DC Comics memo that this past week was Batmanpalooza 2010? I rarely, if ever, pick up a Batman book (at least when it doesn’t star bratty future power-bottom Damian Wayne, a.k.a Robin IV). But this week we had #1) Batman: The Return One-Shot, with art by the over-rated David Finch (the amazing artist who drew Ultimate Blob eating Ultimate Wasp over in the Marvel U) which basically sets up the next big direction for Batman; #2) the new first issue of Batman Incorporated, showcasing terrible art by the horrendous Yanick Paquette who loves to draw ass shots of girls (flip trough this issue to see Catwoman parade around in ridic thong undies); #3) Batman #704, which features not only something called a Catgirl (What? There’s a new member of the Catwoman family? How exciting!) but a new “maybe” villain named (try not to laugh) the Peacock (bwahaha, sorry, I couldn’t help myself), sporting quite possibly the most garish costume ever conceived; #4) Brightest Day with Bats briefly becoming a White Lantern; and #5) Superman/Batman battling it out to see who would really win in a battle royale, as per two adorable comic loving-kids. Whew! Did I get them all? Five comics with Batman in one week? Not one month, people, but one week? Meanwhile, Wonder Woman is still starring in one poorly-created comic a month. Just FYI, ya’ll.
image Spider-Girl #1
You know what I dislike about this comic? Not the fact that there was already a Spider-Girl from an alternate Earth who had her own series that lasted 100 issues or something. And not the story and art within the actual comic, which is pretty fun and a surprisingly decent start to a fresh new series. And not the fact that the cover has huge RED desperate graphic taglines all over it trying to make people buy it, like: BIG TIME! 1st Issue! Warning! Synapse-Shattering! (You think Marvel realizes they might have a bomb on their hands and need to trick readers into picking it up?) The reason I dislike this comic so much is because the star of the book, little miss teenage Spider-Girl herself, has NO powers! Yeah. She’s just a normal girl! Dumb! Since when has a Spider-Family spin-off character not have, gee I dunno, SOME sort of spider-based abilities? I mean, that’s what freakin’ makes them Spider-_____ (insert pronoun here). I’m supposed to believe some 16-year-old chick has the upper body strength to twirl some spider-line thing and swing across the rooftops after a bad-guy withOUT any superhuman spidey mojo? Lame with a capital L. I give this book six issues.
image Supergirl #58
My non-comic reading boyfriend pointed out that this cover doesn’t really make sense. If Supergirl is flying towards the reader shouldn’t her hair be flowing behind her? Like, he argues, why are her skirt and cape going in one direction behind her, while her hair is whipping forward? My reply: since when did you become a mother f**king aerodynamics expert? It’s not like I go to his hair salon and comment on how to apply Redken color and do a proper round-brush blow-out on his clients. Sheesh, everyone’s got an opinion. BTW though, this issue is pretty exciting. It’s the revenge of Chucky, the killer doll, DC Comics style. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that Jennifer Tilly shows up next issue in her Chucky bridal dress!
image X-23 #3
Hey comics lovers! I hope you’re reading this book. Not only is X-23 one of the most tragically original comic characters based on a preexisting male hero (who’s battling Batman for most overexposed), but she’s also written by one of the smartest, most thoughtful comic writers in the industry today–who also happens to co-write Daken: Dark Wolverine. I find that every time I read a comic by Marjorie Liu I’m taken on a deeply emotional journey, one that’s layered well beyond the typical punchy-punch-fest. I wish I had something stupid and inane to write about this book in my typical vain attempt at humor, but frankly, this comic is just too darn good and deserves a serious blurb. Seriously, though, pick this comic up.
image X-Factor #211
The best part of this fun issue, filled with typical wit by writer Peter David, is when Madrox (the deliciously named Multiple Man–wish I were a multiple man, but I find after one shot I’m pretty much spent for at least a few hours) pulls the recently queer Shatterstar back from his overzealous, super flirty greeting to guest star Thor. Hey Shatterstar, don’t fret, sex-pot, I’d be hitting on that blond muscle god myself if I had half as large a sword as you carry around in your “arsenal.” Go get ‘em, cocky!
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