Comics Load: Better than Sex and Chocolate

As Chance is still recovering from BENT-CON and the overstimulation of being surrounded by four FBOTMs all day, faithful Comics Load contributor Brian takes the lead, like some comic book geek version of Eve Harrington. (BTW, you know you’re not going to get an All About Eve reference in your comic reviews anywhere but FBOTU, right?) So, take it away, Mr. Brian! (Try not to break anything.)

image Brightest Day #15
I know my esteemed comic reviewing colleague (our beloved site bandleader Chance) disagrees with me on this title – he pretty much hates it – but I find myself totally enthralled by it. In fact, I’d almost say it’s presently my fave title on the stands right now. I know! I’m nuts, but I’m just really into it. I love all the storylines, Aquaman being the best by far, super enjoy the various artists, and really dig this issue’s mega-evil-Martian-bitch D’Kay and her manipulations of poor, deceived Martian Manhunter. For me, this book is a winner. My only complaint has to be with DC using the “new” Wonder Woman on the cover, but featuring inside our dearly departed star-spangled panty-wearing Wonder Woman of old. *Sigh* Why you gotta play us like that, DC? Giving us stupid new Wonder Woman on the outside, but classic Wonder Woman on the inside to remind us what we’ve lost is just too cruel!
image Marineman #1
I took one look at this comic and just HAD to have it. The cover features a super adorable, smiley, blond, water-based character? I’m SO in! After I raced home with my comics load I excitedly placed this book at the top of my reading pile and happily flipped open the enticing cover, expecting to be taken on a joyful ride under the waves with some of the cutest cartoony art ever by the talented writer/artist Ian Churchill. Sadly, my enthusiasm dissipated the second I laid eyes on the first page. OMFH! Did this comic really just start with18 freakin’ word balloons jammed with, in some cases, 12 lines of text in one word balloon, smashed together on a splash page with nothing but water and teeny, tiny boats clumped together in the lower right hand corner of the page? Yeah, that’ right, there’s one huge opening splash page, 18 word balloons and NOTHING, nothing happening! Nothing. The dialogue is just like a laboriously longwinded high school biology course that goes on and on about underwater breathing or something. I stopped caring around word balloon #4. The text is so dull and factual, it was like I was back in Mr. Chamberland’s 6th period class (the balding jerk!). I half expected a pop quiz on the next page. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t a splash page supposed to be about something, I dunno, splashy? Like a surprise villain suddenly making his presence known, or a gigantic space ship crashing into a huge fireball, or hell, I’d even take a splash page with one of the She-Hulks sitting in a salon chair getting her hair cut into a pixie-do like Emma Watson from Harry Potter (LOVE your haircut, girl! Just hadda give you a shout out!). But a splash page with nothing but tons of water, nine little boats at the very bottom and 18 damn word balloons? Someone seriously needed an editor here. The worst part? The rest of the book doesn’t fair any better. It’s just one over-dialogued bore where nothing happens. Ugh. What a wasted effort. At least I can say the art is nice. So maybe just look at the pretty pictures and ignore the text, that is, when the pictures aren’t being overrun by the all the word balloons!
image Shadowland #5
I didn’t read any of this “event” Shadowland series, I only sorta got dragged into the shadow-madness via the Fred Van Lente written comic Power Man, but I figured, hell, I might as well give the final issue of the main book a read, see what’s up with all this shadow-crapola. Turns out, I’m way glad I skipped issues 1-4. There really wasn’t anything I found interesting in this final issue wrap-up – even the big battle touted on the cover between Daredevil and Ghost Rider lasted all of three boring pages – and, as per usual, the series ended with a humdrum whimper and not a bang. Do yourself a fave and skip this book and pick up the Shadowland-inspired four issue mini-series Power Man. Now that was a book that rocked my nips off.
image She-Hulks #2
What can be better than reading a comic about two sexy, powerful, green women with amazing hair battling evil, superpowered apes while also treading the dangerous waters of high school and ex-boyfriend run-ins? Other than chocolate and sex, I would say…nothing! Face it; this super entertaining book is just fun, fun, fun. It delights me to no end to see She-Hulk numero uno (aka the original She-Hulk aka Jen Walters) meeting (and flirting!!) with her on-again-off-again-forgotten-in-comic-continuity-but-recently-returned-from-comic-limbo Native American ex-BF Wyatt Wingfoot! Yums. Back in the 80s, Wyatt was a barrel-chested hottie that made my skinny teenage hormones surge like they were gamma-irradiated. She-Hulk, my dear, dear friend, you SO need to take that boy for a ride. Double time!
image Taskmaster #4
Despite the fact that the Secret Avengers don’t even battle Taskmaster at all in the comic (as per the misleading cover) – they don’t even wind up in the same panel with Taskmaster at the same time – this Fred Van Lente written book is pretty damn good. Lente manages to make me care about stupid old Taskie with a powerful ending that is pure, classic comic book tragedy gold. How can anyone not love this book when the main bad guy belongs to an evil organization known a MILF? Well, I guess if he was a part of DILF I might just like this book a smidge more – ‘cause, like, DILF’s are hot ya’ll!

That’s it for this week, kids! Be sure to tune in next week when Chance returns in time for the DCU Holiday Special! Woohoo!