This week’s episode of Supernatural begins with a very pointed recap of last week’s episode. Think maybe the whole Amy thing might be a little more than a self-contained story? Proving that fact, “Defending Your Life” begins with Sam thanking Dean again for sparing Amy’s life. Oopsie. Yeah, that’s going to come back to haunt him. Probably literally.
Dean and Sam suit up to investigate a 9th floor hit-and-run. Yes, you read that right. Think you’re safe from a rampaging car in your own apartment? Wrong! Poor guy gets smooshed. He might be better off, though, since who really wants to live in a 9th floor walk-up?
The mystery trail leads the boys to discover their hit-and-run victim had a victim of his own in the past. Just as soon as they do a little bone-burning to vanquish the vengeful ghost, a new victim turns up. This time, it’s a dog attack on a reformed dog fight organizer. You don’t have to be a hunter to start to see a pattern here. They might have burned those bones a little hastily, since the victims seem to be the remorseful and the guilt-ridden, done in by the victims of their past. It’s not ghosts this time, though, it’s Osiris, the Egyptian god. Sure, why not?
Osiris is picking up all the sad slobs at a local bar and putting them on trial for their crimes. Only, it’s not really the crime that matters, it’s the guilt. If you feel guilty, then you are guilty. Let’s see, who likes to hang out in bars feeling guilty? And probably talking in a gravelly Christian Bale voice? Yup, it takes Osiris about half a second to snag Dean and put him on trial for all his guilt (and for wearing clashing denims).
Sam shows up to act as Dean’s attorney. He’s qualified for this, of course, because he watches The Good Wife. Osiris digs up poor, deceased Jo from season six to testify against Dean and relate her tragic life as a hunter and martyr. We get to see a few flashbacks, and I’m suddenly reminded of The Golden Girls and how they’d phone in a couple of episodes a season by reminiscing about previous episodes. My favorites, though, were when they’d reminisce about stuff that didn’t actually happen in the continuity of the series. Fake flashback episodes were meta, before meta was cool. But the stuff we’re seeing on Supernatural is all stuff we’ve seen before.
Sam takes the stand and tries to convince Osiris that Dean isn’t a total a**hole. While he’s doing this, I notice that Osiris is kind of hot, and a cooler show would have Sam offer to become his concubine to save Dean’s life. But it’s not up to Sam to save Dean. Dean must save himself. It’s his own feelings of guilt that are condemning him. Sam does his best to show that Dean is not directly responsible for all the tragedy around him. But even if Dean can somehow convince Osiris he doesn’t feel responsible for most of the stuff he’s done, there’s still the matter of Amy. That was all him. Rather than pay Jewel Staite for another guest appearance, they just skip to the sentencing. Dean’s gotta die.
To put Osiris down and stop the death sentence, Sam must steal a ram’s horn from the local synagogue. Sure, why not? Luckily, the rabbi is a total mensch and let’s Sam take the horn. We don’t actually get to see that, though, so maybe Sam stabs him with the horn, burns his bones, then helps himself to some Manischewitz wine, before racing back to take out Osiris, just in time. Maybe Sam will reminisce about this in a future episode. Here and now, Sam rams Osiris from behind, and again, I think the concubine scenario would have been fun. Meanwhile, Dean feels even more guilty and tortured than before, though he at least makes peace with Jo.
The brothers have a little heart-to-heart about guilt and Sam’s apparent lack of it. Being tortured in hell sort of puts everything else in perspective, so he’s not as morose as Dean. I like to think it’s because he’s getting it on a regular basis from Lucifer. Dean should give it a try.
NEXT WEEK: Sam and Dean reminisce about the time they entered the dance marathon.
Read all of FBOTU’s Supernatural season seven recaps here. They’re supernaturally delicious!