The Real Winchesters of Supernatural

Before we start this week’s episode of Supernatural, we’re reminded again that Dean killed Sam’s childhood demon gal pal, Amy. Will this be the episode Sam learns the truth? I’m not telling…yet. This episode is called “Slash Fiction,” which is promising a lot. As soon as I saw the title, I started plotting it all out in my head, and it involved the Winchesters, some wrestling singlets and a lot of Neutrogena body oil.

Instead, we get more Leviathan hijinks. Proving they’re smarter than the average pre-Biblical people-eating monster sociopaths (BTW, WHY would God invent that?), the Leviathans have doppelgangbanged Sam and Dean and are on a crime spree to flush the real Winchesters out of hiding. If this doesn’t end with Good Sam and Evil Sam making out, I’m going to be very disappointed.

Bobby, meanwhile, has Leviathan Customer Service chained up in his new HQ, trying to figure out how to kill him, which is exactly how a few of my blind dates have ended over the years. (Note: When they say, “Come see my gun collection,” run. Just run.) While he’s doing that, he sends the boys off to find an old associate of his who may have some answers. If you’ve ever watched the show, you know that whenever Bobby sends you to see a “friend,” he or she will most likely try to kill you. I don’t know how giving the boys new IDs will help, when the fake Winchesters have made their faces famous. Overall, Frank’s guest spot seems largely unnecessary, but I’m guessing he becomes important again later in the season. Maybe we’ll start seeing him recapped at the beginning of every episode, like Amy.

Back in the basement, Bobby gives decapitation a try on Leviathan Customer Service, then welcomes Sheriff Jodi into his new digs for an impromptu date. Why not? I think we all want Bobby to get laid, though if he ever actually did, I wonder what would happen? Angel boinked Buffy and lost his soul. What would Bobby lose? I think it’s a risk he should definitely take. At least do it for the endolphins.

Now on the run and chasing the evil twins, the boys ditch the car and give Air Supply a try, before having a few flashbacks to their time in Jericho. Apparently, in the Supernatural universe, Jericho was never cancelled, but just replays over and over in Sam’s mind. Ohh, so that must the hellish torture he’s been talking about. 

Then things get meta, when the Double-Mints review being Sam and Dean and conclude that it sucks. Then things get mega-meta when they do a full-on Pulp Fiction reenactment and take a diner in St. Louis hostage. Where’s Samuel Jackson when you need him? Incidentally, this Tarantino reference follows the Kill Bill reference from a couple of weeks ago. Someone on the writing staff really likes Tarantino. I’m guessing it’s Tarantino writing under a pseudonym.

Bobby doesn’t get laid, but he does put the electric shock treatment to Leviathan Customer Service. He makes the mistake of going skin on skin with his captive, who then takes the opportunity to morph into Bobby and start playing some mind games. Have you noticed that whenever Bobby is called upon to be an evil version of himself, he gets really queeny? Luckily, before he can start throwing any more shade at Real Bobby, Sheriff Jodi accidentally discovers a surefire way to kill Leviathans: Borax. (Welcome to the Borax Supernatural Hour! Brought to you by the good people at Dow Chemical!)

Suddenly, Colonel Tigh from Battlestar Galactica shows up and arrests the boys and reminds them that he used to have a show of his own at one time. The boys do their best to explain the lookalike crime spree, but only a filthy Cylon toaster would believe something that crazy. Sam looks particularly worried, because he’s just too pretty to go to prison. Tigh comes around, though, when shapeshifting monsters start eating his deputies.

Because it’s Supernatural, they can’t afford a bunch of split-screen shenannigans, so Fake Sam squares off against Real Dean, and Fake Dean tells Real Sam that Real Dean killed Real Amy. Well! I wasn’t expecting that so soon, but it makes perfect sense. You need a reason to split the boys up at this crucial juncture in the season. The Real Winchesters of Supernatural manage to kill the fake ones; Bobby manages to get a kiss from Sheriff Jodi; and we discover that the Leviathans have a CEO, and he’s all business. Crowley drops in to schmooze a bit, but Leviathan CEO shuts him down corporate-style and sends him on his way. The Leviathans are the 1%, and they’re going to eat you.

Finally, Sam tells Dean he can’t talk to him or be around him right now, and does his best Bruce Banner as he strolls away, and I’m reminded of when my best friend in college slept with my ex, and I felt so betrayed. I called upon the forces of darkness to rain vengeance down upon them, but mostly I just stayed in my room and listened to a lot of Laura Branigan. I suggest Sam do the same.

NEXT WEEK: Real Dean convinces Fake Dean to take his math test for him. Will Mr. Feeny discover their plot and expel them both before the big school dance? Tune in and find out!

Read all of FBOTU’s Supernatural season seven recaps here. They’re supernaturally delicious!