Game of Thrones: Oh My Gods

As the battle for the Seven Kingdoms wages on in this week’s episode, “The Old Gods and the New,” chaos breaks out in Winterfell when Theon Greyjoy and his men invade. I bet it must be very difficult to invade a land where you grew up as one of the lord’s sons and where the only remaining lord is a differently-abled 10-year-old. Masterfully played, “Prince Theon.”

Although he could have played this coup with respect, Theon takes charge like a tyrant, butchering a resistant Sir Rodrik to show his power over the people. Doing so, Theon loses any remaining trust he might have had there. He then demands the Maester send Ravens to both his father and his sister announcing his victory. Now what are the odds that will happen?

After his take-over, Theon bangs the half-wit servant Osha who asks only for her freedom after she serves him. After she lays with him, she sneaks out and escapes with young Bran, killing only one Greyjoy bannerman along the way. It seems as if Bran’s prophetic dreams have come true. The ocean has arrived to drown Winterfell.

On the battlefield, Robb Stark again meets the lovely Talisa, the “Nightingale” of Westeros. After some flirty banter, Cat Stark arrives and meets Robb’s new interest, but she reminds him of his marriage debt to be paid. Don’t you remember that ugly hag you accepted in exchange for safe passage? That must have been when you were thinking with the head atop your shoulders. The terrible news of Winterfell arrives and Robb is convinced to move forward while Bolton’s son returns to reclaim Winterfell. One thing: Robb demands Theon alive.

In King’s Landing, the Queen Regent seethes in anger at Tyrion as they send off her daughter, Myrcella, to her arranged marriage. Cersei threatens revenge for this unforgivable play while an ever-lovable Joffrey shows absolutely no emotion at the loss of his sister. On the way back to the citadel gates, the king is taunted, and the angry peasants start a riot tearing kingsmen from their limbs. In a scramble to save themselves, Tyrion and King Joffrey leave Sensa behind. She’s chased into the tunnels and caught by several angry men. Just before they brutally rape her, “The Mountain” steps in to her rescue, leaving behind some intestines and entrails in his wake.

In Harrenhal, Tywin Lannister continues his strategic planning with no idea his beloved new cup-bearer is of the Stark household. Tywin mocks his own man, Lorch, since Arya can read better than he can. Arya almost blows her cover when Peter Baelish arrives to bring vital wartime news of Renly’s death and Robb Stark’s progress. She spills wine all over Little Finger, but is quickly, and luckily, dismissed. Later, she runs into an angry Lorch who, shamed by his inability to read, chases Arya. In panic, she uses her second death wish on him which is swiftly, and justly, delivered. Only one to go, Arya. Will Lannister be next?

In the North, John Snow and his small band of Knight’s Watchmen seek Wildlings. He learns a hard lesson about dying for his people. Coming upon a small group of wildlings they kill all but one, a woman, Egrit. She warns of hundreds of thousands further north who will be marching on the wall. John Snow is left alone to kill Egrit, but his chivalry keeps him from it. Of course, his prisoner escapes and leads him on an icy chase, far away from his men. By nightfall, they are forced to camp in the open, huddling together for warmth. While you might thing her wiggling is to break free of her bonds, I bet she’s trying to feel what the bastard is packing under those ebony pelts.

Stranded in the East, Daenerys makes her rounds of Qarth, demanding ships to cross the sea and refusing to give of herself in return. In her plea to the Spice King, she promises to repay him in triple, but without an army and allies, her bargain seems fruitless. He denies her and she storms away. After a full day of bartering, no king in Qarth is willing to give Daenerys what she needs. When she returns to her safe-haven, she finds all of her Dothraki people murdered and her dragons gone. That’s what happens when Mother Dragon leaves the children unattended.

I’m torn between my loyalty to the Stark house and my love for the Dragons and their mum. Could there be a Westeros where the two live in harmony? Share your thoughts about this episode in the comments section below.

Jim C. is a sci-fi/supernatural/federation/superhero/Cylon teacher nerd, obsessed with TV, books and film. He spent his childhood reading comics, writing morbid horror stories and being the token tormented class homo, but he thinks he turned out pretty freakin’ awesome. image