Supernatural: A Fistful of Dicks

You know it’s going to be a monumental episode of Supernatural when they start with “Carry On Wayward Son” for the recap. And there’s a lot to recap, but I’ll sum up: Castiel unleashed the Leviathans and disappeared, then re-appeared; the head Leviathan is named Dick, a joke that constitutes about 98% of the script (and most of my Comics Load); Meg is back; Bobby is dead and vengeful; and the Winchesters need Crowley‘s blood to defeat Dick.

I won’t say that it’s been a lackluster season; there have been some high points. The Leviathans started out like so many of the Supernatural bad guys: looking human and staying out of the way for most of the season. As their endgame became clear, and they took the To Serve Man cookbook off the shelf, things got really interesting, with a dash of social commentary on the side. It would be so easy to turn humans (e.g., Americans) into livestock (just ask the Visitors), you have to assume someone or something is already working on it.

So, here we are. Thanks to the cute, nerdy prophecy boy, Dick knows what Sam and Dean are up to and calls on Crowley himself to strike a bargain. All of Canada will go to Crowley and his minions, but Dick gets the big, fat US and the rest of the world. Crowley agrees a little too quickly, and you have to wonder if he’s ever tried to drive in Montreal. The other thing I like about the Leviathans is how they couch everything in corporate terms. Having worked in the corporate world for years, it’s not hard to believe some people-eating monster is giving Powerpoint presentations in boardrooms all over the US. All Crowley has to do is give Sam and Dean a fake vial of blood to screw up their spell and their plan of attack.

Meanwhile, Sam and Dean are driving solo, without Bobby or Cas, since Bobby’s currently inside a hotel housekeeper and Cas is naked and playing with bees. Frankly, I’d rather be with Cas. The boys gather some nun bones (why not?) and summon Crowley for the blood part. Crowley is a no-show, but Meg does pop in and utters the line that almost blew up Tumblr. Regarding Cas’s state of mind, she tells Dean, “Go ask him. He was your boyfriend first.” Dammit, Dean, just kiss him!

Cas feels like he’s done enough to screw everything up, so he won’t be participating in the final showdown with Dick. And they can’t count on any other angelic help, since the Angel Garrison appears to be dead or missing. It’s this moment when Crowley makes his appearance and gives the boys the vial. He confesses his deal and the phony blood to Dean and Sam, but is he giving them the real stuff? Did Crowley find a loophole in the contract he signed with Dick?

Dick has a backup plan, just in case. He kept a piece of the real Dick, so he can make a bunch of decoys. And remember that Powerpoint presentation I mentioned earlier? Seems skinny people who can’t gain weight are a nuisance, and Dick has a plan. Kill them with poisoned dairy products. I am 99.9% against that plan. Mainly because they’ll need to make poisoned non-dairy creamer, too, for the vegans. (I’m kidding, my fellow vegans!)

Just as the boys are about to infiltrate Dickland, Bobby shows up wearing his housekeeping uniform and ruins everything. He jumps out of the body and goes back to the hideout with the Winchesters. He finally realizes his vengeance can’t be controlled, and innocent people are getting hurt. He’s ready to pass on. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to burn a metal flask or a kitchen knife with your fingerprints all over it, but it’s not as easy as it looks on Supernatural. I’m just warning you.

Dean and Cas then have a sweet moment together, where Dean declares them both unlucky in love (and life), but he’d still rather have Cas by his side. Cas feels forgiven and promises Dean he’ll go along and do his best to help the boys. Dick knows they’re coming, so they might as well make an entrance. Cue Meg driving the Impala through security and the Sucrocorp sign, while the boys and Cas sneak into the facility to find Dick. Woohoo!

Now, consider for a moment the final confrontation between Dick, Cas and Dean. I’ll try to be as graphic and far-reaching as possible. There are bones, penetration and an erupting Dick that splatters the room and innocent bystanders. Who gets the full impact of Dick’s goo? Why, Cas and Dean, of course, the star-crossed lovers with all the bad luck. Will those two kids ever catch a break? What will Crowley do with Meg and the prophet? And how will Sam cope being on his own? And how do you clean up all that goo? I suggest a little club soda and a dash of lemon juice. Works wonders. See you next season!

What did you think of the finale? Let us know in the comments section below.