Oy, I did not need to see this first thing in the morning.
As you know, I get a slew of emails from toy sellers every morning. Or maybe they come in the middle of the night. Who knows? The point is that it’s like getting the Sears Wishbook every single day, and I love it. But sometimes I’m baffled by what the people in charge choose to preserve in plastic and then sell to me. Today’s WTF toy moment is brought to you by the good people at Gentle Giant. They have produced what can only be described as the ickiest statue in the history of the world. Clone Wars mega-bitch Asajj Ventress drapes herself all over hot nonagenarian Count Dooku as, I assume, a bunch of battle droids watch and say stupid things like, “Roger-roger.” Here’s what’s wrong with this picture:
1. Besides some metal bikinis and a few sibling smooches, there is no sexuality in Star Wars.
2. Admittedly, there ain’t much to choose from in terms of evil hotties. Among General Grievous, Emperor Palpatine and Count Dooku, I suppose Dooku is the less horrific of the bunch. But still, I think I would bend over for Jar Jar before Dooku. (Though I would prefer Bail Organa. Mmm….Jimmy Smits.)
3. Asajj is just not good girlfriend material. True, I’ve never had a girlfriend, but I have seen a lot of Meg Ryan movies, so I think I know how they should behave. Can you imagine calling your little Sith Witch and saying, “Hey, Asajj. I know it’s short notice, but Emperor Palpatine wants to come over for dinner. I know, I know. Could you…I know…could you whip something up? Yeah. He likes your pot roast, but doesn’t that take too long?” I don’t see it happening.
So for only $229.99, you can have this creepy mating of creepy characters next to your bed for conjugal inspiration. Yowza! “Oh, Dooku! Tell me about Sauron! Oo yeah! I like it when you take your teeth out!”