WASHINGTON – President Obama‘s first week in office has been a productive one. In addition to taking steps towards closing Guantanamo Bay and reinstating aid to international family planning services, he also took time to vanquish the Dark Lord of the Sith (pictured above). It was a bold move for the newly elected President. Even members of his own cabinet predicted he would try to find common ground with the so-called “Master of Evil,” and then only in his second term. In a conference immediately preceding the duel, the President informed members of the press that while he “felt there was still some good in him,” he would take necessary steps to insure the safety and freedom of the galaxy. When asked what sort of lightsaber he’d be using, Obama appeared calm and confident and said, “I’ve constructed a new lightsaber. As you can see, my skills as a Jedi are now complete.” The duel, as it was, only lasted a few minutes. Anonymous sources say the Sith leader attempted to lure the President to the dark side several times, then threatened to turn an unidentified female associate or family member instead. This apparently prompted the President’s final attack. Obama will now turn his attention to the flailing American economy and perhaps Skeletor.