Move Review: Land of the Aimless


I hate to be that guy. That guy who gives all the other fanboys a bad name with his nitpicky review of a revamp of a beloved childhood property. So, I won’t give a nitpicky review, because I don’t want to waste that much time on this. And Land of the Lost wasn’t a beloved childhood property for me. Even at a young age, I thought most Sid and Marty Krofft productions were stupid. Stupid with two o’s. So, you see, I have strong feelings about Land of the Lost, which is something the movie is sorely lacking. Since the actors and production team went to all the trouble to make a movie, you might expect them to have warm feelings or some appreciation for the source material. Or, conversely, if they, too, thought it stupid, they could have crafted a clever satire of the campy classic. Instead, we have an aimless, completely banal interpretation that shows neither love, nor contempt for the original. So…why? Watching the film, I got the distinct impression that the jokes were written for, or culled from, various unproduced comedy scripts. Then, when no one could think of a premise, they pulled Land of the Lost out of a hat. With each creaky set-up, gross-out gimmick or inappropriate sexual groping, I couldn’t help scripting a better movie in my head, a movie I would have preferred seeing to this one.

Case in point, the characters are prone to launching into monologues or banter while some beastie or other waits in the wings for the chatting to stop. In a funnier movie, they would have cut to the monster rolling his eyes or pacing or showing the same frustration the audience is feeling. Instead, the movie doesn’t dare take the camera off Will Ferrell for an instant. The filmmakers seem to be hoping that if they keep the camera rolling long enough, Ferrell will do something funny eventually. As the credits rolled, I was still waiting. If you’ve seen the film, and you’re wondering if I’m going to say something about the “that’s so gay” jokes early in the film, let me just say this. By the time Ferrell was leaning in to kiss Cha-Ka, I was longing for the relative sophistication of “that’s so gay.” But the final nail in the movie’s coffin? In a Land of the Lost movie, wouldn’t you expect to hear the theme song? Can anyone say or even think Land of the Lost without singing it? Except for a throw-away joke where Ferrell attempts to write the theme song, the song itself is missing. Not even over the closing credits. A bizarre choice to eliminate the nostalgia factor from a movie relying on nostalgia.

On the FBOTU Scale of Fabulousness, I give Land of the Lost 2 out of 5 stoopid emoticons: ohh ohh
I would have given it less, but a Cher joke did make me laugh. So it’s 2 stoopid emoticons in the name of Cher.

%d bloggers like this: