They said it couldn’t be done. They doubted my resolve. My skills. And especially my wardrobe. But I did it. After 18 months of play and over $250 in subscription fees, I have reached Level 50 in World of Warcraft. Look, here’s my heroic warrior stud now. He looks very happy, doesn’t he?
Since this is a momentous occasion, I should like to take a moment and reflect upon what I’ve learned over the past year-and-a-half throughout my adventures in Azeroth.
1. Like in real life, money is the most important thing in the world, and a bag of gold will buy everything you need: food, weapons and, of course, happiness.
2. It is entirely possible to reach Level 50 without going near a single spider.
3. There’s no shame in running away from a duel challenge. There’s only shame if you fall over a cliff and into a moat while running away from a duel challenge.
4. Turning tricks upstairs at the inn in Stormwind may seem like a sad act of desperation, but as God is my witness, I’ll never mine Mythril again!
5. How many times have I stopped to help a handsome, defenseless young priest, only to have him sneak around and open the treasure chest for himself? That’s why I’ve learned not to trust or help anyone, ever. Again, just like in real life.
My triumph is bittersweet, though, because, as you may or may not know, there are actually 80 levels in World of Warcraft. By the time I reach Level 80, sometime in 2012, I’m sure WoW will have upgraded to 100 levels or more. But for now, for a moment, I am content. Level 50. I am golden.
Long live the Alliance!