Toys & Merch

Toy Review: It’s Not Easy Being Green…and Flocked


In the interest of full geek disclosure, I never had a Moss Man figure when I was a kid. He was just one of those figures that always seemed to elude me. Plus, even the most persuasive 10-year-old would find it challenging to convince his parents to drive 60 miles to the nearest Toys R Us to look for a fuzzy, green piece of plastic. If he wasn’t at the local department stores, he was out of my reach. I don’t know how you compensated for characters you saw in comics and on TV, but didn’t own, but in my adventures, Moss Man made great use of his camouflage and was always in hiding. Always. By that logic, I guess I could have just used my imagination to play with all the figures, saving my parents a load of money. However, sitting on the floor, playing with invisible toys would have been a little too tragic, even for me.

So, I didn’t get my hands on a Moss Man until many years later, when a loose figure was part of a lot I bought on eBay. Upon receiving him, I placed him in a plastic bin and put him in storage, but couldn’t help imagining how he might have affected my always-histrionic plastic adventures. Like, would Moss Man have attended the wedding of Man-At-Arms and Glimmer? Would he have helped restrain the Sorceress when she went insane and had to be institutionalized? Would he have mourned the death of Orko? (He would have been the only one.) Upon receiving and opening the new Moss Man from the Masters of the Universe Classics line, I didn’t experience the wave of nostalgia I got with the other figures so far, but I did once again begin imagining how I could have integrated the jolly green god into my childhood storylines. So, it would seem that I am now an adult, sitting at my desk, playing with invisible toys.

As others have mentioned, the first thing you notice when you pop Moss Man out of his package is the smell. He is Pine-Sol fresh, my friends, and while it was headache-inducing the first day, it’s now dissipated to an acceptable level of artificial freshness. Maybe it’s because I have no sentimental connection to him, but I think MM is probably the least successful interpretation of a classic figure so far. The sculpt and articulation by the Four Horsemen is still top notch. The figure I opened seems to have a little problem with his right leg. It just doesn’t fit that well in the socket and has limited movement, especially compared to his left leg, which is a little loose. I don’t know if that’s a widespread problem, or if, once again, I got the shipment that was supposed to go to the Island of Misfit Toys. My other complaint is with the flocking. It’s not so much velvet flocking as it is AstroTurf flocking. From a distance, he looks quite lovely, but up close, when you see his unflocked joints, he looks a little mangy. I guess I was just hoping to see some major advancement in flocking technology.

I got the unflocked ears version, since that was part of the subscription, and I was in no mood to fight it out on for the flocked ears version. Moss Man comes with an elegant new interpretation of the vintage MOTU mace weapon, as well as a new over-the-shoulder purse and dagger sheath. Because of the purse’s size and shape, I imagine it’s the scrotum of some poor soul who left a granola bar wrapper in the woods or maybe started a forest fire. Mossy also comes with two different heads. First up, we have the classic version, which is essentially a repaint (and flocking) of Beast Man‘s head. The new head sculpt has a more thoughtful, Planet of the Apes appearance, and I prefer it to the angry version. Though, I imagine the angry version is useful when scrotum-ripping is required.

I placed this new Moss Man on the shelf with my other figures, and I do admit that he looks good. He fits in well with all the other MOTU weirdos, and once again my mind wanders to thoughts of how I might have utilized him as a character in my youth. Would he have burnt up in the Great Cataclysm that forced everyone underground? Would he have been any help when Teela developed a split personality? Would he have mourned the second death of Orko?

I guess I’ll never know.

On the FBOTU Scale of Fabulousness, I give Masters of the Universe Classics Moss Man 3 out of 5 green flocked emoticons: sick sick sick