FBOTU’s GeekTV: Sweaty, Shirtless Workout Edition

The theme this week is religion. Between Glee, Caprica and Supernatural, I think we’ve got the God thing covered. Though, I wish the Glee kids had performed a bloodletting ceremony like the ones in Caprica and Supernatural. It would have been much more believable, I think, to have the kids stab Kurt to rid him of his evil spirits and allow his dad to recover. Instead, they just sang. Stupid kids.

Hot, gay mobster brother needs more screen time.

I watched the premiere of season 1.5 of Caprica, then I watched it again. See, when there’s a cliffhanger, you expect some sort of resolution to it, so I was a bit flummoxed when we just skipped over that part and went right to Gemenon. Gemenon, it turns out, is dark and cold and full of religious whackjobs, but they all wear glittery robes, so I can sort of see the appeal. Sister Clarice manages to connive her way to the top of the terrorist food chain by impressing the locals with her Apotheosis video games. None of this surprises me, because any gay who knows his divas can tell you that it’s going to take a lot more than Meg Tilly to take down a Polly Walker. You’re going to need at least an Angela Bassett level diva to put a dent in Polly. Speaking of dents, Cylon Zoe is just a hunk of metal again, but don’t worry. The surly teen destined to bring down the human race is strolling around V-world now, where she’s randomly attacked by the cast of Chicago. Watch it; you’ll see what I mean. Besides, we all know you’re going to need at least a touring company of Pippin to take down a surly teen.


Pacey’s cute…but Alternate Universe Boyfriend is hot! And he’s a doctor, honey. A doctor!

Anna Torv is ridiculously good on Fringe this season, and it’s not because she’s playing two parts. It’s because she’s playing four. Think about it. She’s not just playing Olivia and Fauxlivia. She’s playing Olivia playing Fauxlivia and playing Fauxlivia playing Olivia. It is blowing my mind how good she is and how specific her acting choices are. So far this season, episodes have been alternating between our universe and theirs each week. This was an alternate universe week, so we get to see Olivia as Fauxlivia back on the job. This show is so smart, it makes me want to go back to school to learn how to be an FBI agent who investigates parallel universes. That’s a major, right? In any other show, this week’s tale of the mentally challenged man who suddenly gains super intelligence would be pretty standard fare. On Fringe, though, it works on so many more levels and brings new understanding to the characters and the whole storyline. Even though I knew where the plot was going, I’m pretty sure they wanted me to, just so I could jump up and down on my couch screaming, “The protocol! The protocol! She doesn’t know the protocol!” It’s back to our universe next week, for more Fauxlivia as Olivia, but take note: Fauxlivia isn’t as good as Olivia at playing her counterpart. I think Fauxlivia will be outed first. What do you think?


And the Emmy for completely gratuitous shirtless Tai Chi workout goes to…

I rarely entertain sexist thoughts, so forgive me for this, but why is Supergirl teaching Superman to fly on Smallville? It kind of makes me hate Clark. For years now, we’ve been lead to believe that his self-doubt or pride or weakness or arrogance or problem-of-the-week was preventing him from discovering his true powers. I know this is the last season, and in the last moments of the show, he’ll learn to believe in himself and fly. But, seriously, it’s pretty annoying that after ten bloody years, Kara can fly, but Clark can’t. Meanwhile, there’s a whole S&M subculture in Metropolis I didn’t know existed. Of course, it’s Lois who wanders in, gets into costume and pours hot wax on some guy. Why couldn’t it have been Oliver? Just curious: did anyone else think it was Black Canary when Lois walked in wearing the blonde wig, fishnets and dominatrix gear? Do all slutty dominatrix sex workers look like Black Canary?


Don’t just stand there; do some Tai Chi!

I’m reminded of Spike’s assessment of Buffy after her resurrection: “You came back wrong.” There’s something different about Sam on Supernatural. He’s unusually devoted to his work. He’s lost his empathy for human suffering. And, oh yeah, he’s so good in bed, he has to remind his prostitute that he’s paying her. Well, if that means Sam came back wrong, I don’t want him to be right. I know we’re supposed to believe that Sam brought a little hell back with him, but I have another theory. Cass shows up and says God is missing; no one’s seen him in a while. I think God is possessing Sam. Admittedly, it’s been a while since I’ve been to church, but God’s good in bed, right? 


What? Brothers don’t usually have conversations with their hands all over each other? Are you sure?

This week’s Vampire Diaries starts with the Olympics of bad acting, with Tyler and Mason each going for the gold. It’s so bad, that I kept pausing it after each actor said his line, just so I could say it myself, to see if I could make it work. And I could. And I’m not an actor. Seriously, these guys are only believable when they’re shirtless and having one of those uncomfortably close Vampire Diaries conversations. Then, I thought I was going to die when Caroline’s mom awkwardly announces it’s the day of the Historical Society Volunteer Picnic. Didn’t I tell you that every week in this town is some painfully contrived event to get monsters and victims together in one place? You know, instead of school or work. This makes Caroline extremely angry/bitchy, and I don’t blame her. Stefan tries to make nice with Mason, but he’s still pissed that Damon tried to stab him to prove his werewolfiness. Stefan pulls Mason uncomfortably close to warn him to play nice or watch his back. I’m pretty sure that’s a sodomy threat. Tyler is worried that he might kill someone and activate the family werewolf curse, but instead of, you know, trying not to kill anyone, he throws some chick down a flight of stairs. Then, just when I think this episode can’t get any worse, it actually gets really good! Caroline turns into a serious vamp badass! Mason tells the sheriff about Stefan and Damon! And guess who really wants the stupid moonstone? Aigh! It’s such a good show; I hate it.


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