Comics Load: The Dark Fish Rises

Greetings from New York City, home of thin-crust pizza, the Empire State Building and Spider-Man the Musical. I’ve been sampling various comic book stores around town, but haven’t decided on one to call home yet. I’m waiting for some sort of divine (aka gay) inspiration to strike, so I know which is the right one. If you live in NYC and have a suggestion, let me know. The mega stores have a huge selection, yes, but there’s absolutely no hope of any sort of recognition from week to week. That’s sort of important to me, but not crucial. If the comics monger is cute, that helps, too. I’d also like a martini waiting for me when I arrive, a little dirty, three olives. For now, the search continues, and so does the Comics Load! Be sure to let us know what you’re reading and recommending in the comments section or over in the Comics Forum.

image The Amazing Spider-Man #664

So, this Carlie person is “smart” enough to figure out her boss is the Wraith, but not “smart” enough to figure out her boyfriend is Spider-Man? Well, Spidey, I’m going to share with you some sage advice from my dear, departed grandmother: “Sleep with the dumb ones, but don’t marry them.” Sadly, this is advice J. Jonah Jameson Sr. could have used before hooking up with Aunt May, who continues to push the acceptable limits of stupidity, even in comics. I hope the revelation of Mr. Negative’s identity doesn’t ruin any future chances for Evil Aunt May to reappear. I’m still holding out hope for an Evil Aunt May/Loki team-up.
image Avengers: The Children’s Crusade #6

I think Tommy says it best, after he, Wanda and Billy have a mini family reunion: “So, what was the point?” The point, my dear Tommy, is that no matter how cataclysmic a big cross-over event is, it can always be undone. Wanda’s back, kids, and she going to fix some stuff. Unless she’s really a Skrull.
image Batman Incorporated #7

I have a love/hate relationship with Bruce Wayne’s Batman…mostly hate. And it mostly depends on who’s writing him. Most of the time, I just want to kick him square in the Bat bollocks. Sometimes—rarely—when he’s not being a total dick to everyone around him, he can be okay. In this issue, he comes as close to humane as I’ve ever seen him, actually dispensing good advice and not just f**king up everyone’s lives, minds and hearts. I also fell in love with Man-of-Bats as soon as I saw his secret lair, complete with a folding table with a “Crime Lab” tent card on it and a giant wooden nickel in the corner. That’s the kind of crazy I can relate to.
image Flashpoint: Hal Jordan #1

Are we to assume that these Flashpoint origins are part of the new DCU? Or are they just last-minute “what ifs” until new origin stories are introduced in September? Frankly, any Green Lantern origin story that involves King Shark jumping out of the ocean and attacking Hal’s plane (a la Megashark vs. Giant Octopus) is fine with me. I’m assuming this is King Shark. I know he turns into a hammerhead shark in the new DCU, so maybe this is a cousin. Either way, I hope we see him fly through the window at Wayne manor next and inspire a young Bruce Wayne to become Sharkman, the Dark Fish.
image Flash Point: Green Arrow Industries #1

I’m thinking of starting a Kickstarter campaign to raise money to get the DC folks some therapy. Despite the popularity of The Dark Knight and Wolverine, I, personally, don’t read comics for their gritty, hopeless nihilism. Does everything involving Green Lantern have to mine the depths of despair and tragedy to tell a story? Is it really a revolutionary leap forward in storytelling to have him inadvertently kill his daughter instead of his granddaughter? Was he ever a fun character to read? He makes Bruce Wayne look like Jughead.
image Gotham City Sirens #24

I might just miss this title most of all. First, it’s always great to have an entertaining and emotional female team book. I’m also grateful that while their love lives played a big part in the series, we weren’t subjected to them sitting around, eating ice cream and painting their nails. I’m also okay with the downer ending, mainly because it pretty much mirrors exactly how all my friendships end: blood, straight jackets and mental institutions. Love ya, girls! Good journey to you all.
image Wonder Woman #612

I know I said I wasn’t going to review this title anymore, but this seems like an important issue, so here I am. I am really looking forward to Comic-Con, because I want all of you Wonder Queens to stop by the Prism Comics booth and explain this whole series to me…on video. So…the Gods got scared, because Nemesis was coming. Nemesis is just like Genocide, only much worse, because, I guess, Straczynski says so. So the Gods go into hiding, pretend to (or actually) destroy Themyscira and send the Princess off to New York with an army of protectors, who are lousy at protecting her. So, after a series of seemingly unrelated challenges to prove her god-like strength, she can only hope to defeat Nemesis as a powerless, but loving human. Oh, and all her friends are like stone zombies or something. On the plus side, I can spell Themyscira now without looking it up first. Yay! I’m the best.

Thanks for reading!