Toys & Merch

“Don’t I Deserve Love…and Jewelry?”

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In brightest day, in blackest night, no overpriced collectible shall escape my sight. Check out the limited edition JLA Trophy Room: Green Lantern Rings Prop Replica. The product description claims, “Eight plated metal rings (each a different color, signifying the insignia of the various Corps) fit into a battery-operated, light-up resin display base. The rings are protected by a removable glass dome that sits on top of the base.” Clearly, the whole world is gearing up for the Blackest Night storyline. And I immediately became lost in daydreams of wearing a different ring for whatever occasions arise: weddings, funerals, Craigslist hook-ups. Then I read this:

“Rings are removable but are prop replicas ONLY and are not meant to be worn.”

What the hell?! Let’s make a bunch of iconic rings that superheroes wear…and forbid fanboys to wear them! Like I’m going to spend $250 on a bunch of Lantern rings I can’t wear. All right—enough—so be it. So be it, then. Let the call go out around the world. I curse thee, DC Direct. I curse thee! And for thy betrayal, I vow upon all that is holy to buy only one of these crazy things, instead of the two I might have bought, because, you know, it’s good to have a back-up when I break the first set of rings by trying to cram them onto my manly fingers. Actually, my hands are rather small and my fingers slender (though nothing should be surmised from this information about any other part of my anatomy). So maybe there’s hope for my dreams of donning the rainbow of rings and showing the world whatever mood I happen to be in that day.

 

Let those who worship evil’s might,
Beware my power…Green Lantern’s light!

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